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Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
06|23|08
 
Original Post: June 23, 2008 10:09AM EDT
Long story but I need some advice




My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and 3 months. I live with my parents and he lives with his sister and her husband. We recently started the marriage discussion. Almost 5 years ago, he had a one night stand and the woman got pregnant. He asked her not to have the child but she insisted. He has a 4 year old daughter and he does what he needs to do for her. He has said many times he can't even stand to look at the mother. He has made it clear that he never had a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with her and never will. His friends and family say he never has anything nice to say about her. They have a civil relationship for the child.
Last week, his daughter and her mother stopped by his sister's house to drop off a Father's Day gift. I came over to surprise him with dinner and I saw her car there so I went back home and waited for her to leave. When I came back, his sister answered and said that his daughter's mother was dropping him off at a friends house. He had been drinking and didn't want to drive himself. She called and left messages for the mother and him. The mother called back and said she had dropped him off. He called back shortly after and his sister told him I was looking for him. He said he was spending the night at his friends house. I called him a few times and he didn't answer then he shut off his phone. The next morning I knew he was lying and I parked outside of the mother's house. He came out with his daughter and shortly after the mother came out.
I drove over to his house and waited for her to drop him off. He sat in my car with me and we talked. He said that nothing happened. He was on his way to his friends house. (His friend lives near the mother). He said that he had been drinking and when he got in the car he started feeling sick. This is typical of my boyfriend when he's drinking. He says he doesn't feel well and next thing u know he's asleep. He said that he felt dizzy and asked if he could spend the night in his daughter's room. She said yes and he says that he spent the night in his daughter's room. He said the reason he lied to his sister about where he was is because he knew she would tell me and he thought I would be over there knocking on the door, which I would. I asked why he turned his cell phone off and he said because I kept calling and he was in his daughter's room trying to go to sleep and get her to sleep. He said it was a poor choice and he wouldn't do that again.
I gave him a chance to tell me what he wanted. He said---I love u and I want to be with u. I spent the night with my daughter in my daughter's room. Nothing happened with me and her mother. I haven't been with anyone but you for the last two and half year. One day we will get married. I want to have kids the right way and I want to have them with you.
The reason I believe him is because first, I think he loves me and has always been faithful to me. Also, I don't think he would have sex with her and take a chance of her getting pregnant again. I don't think he would take that risk.
I told him everything was fine and I wasn't mad but even though I believe him it still bothers me a little. I'm sorry this is so long, I just needed to get my feelings out and find out what a neutral source thinks.
Forum Posts: 28169
Member Since:
11|20|06
Black Rose, TX
United States
June 23, 2008 12:38PM EDT



He got a fucking adult diaper.
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
06|23|08
 
June 23, 2008 03:13PM EDT



What?
Forum Posts: 28169
Member Since:
11|20|06
Black Rose, TX
United States
June 23, 2008 04:25PM EDT



mojo filters, fathers, revolutions
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
02|09|06
Edmonton, AB
Canada
June 24, 2008 12:36PM EDT



I'm not quite sure what you need advice on. It sounds like you forgave him already, do you need validation? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I doubt he spent the night in his daughter's room. There's two things wrong with that. #1 - if he felt sick and fell asleep in the car on the way to his "friends" house, why would the mother of his child take him back to her place and not his? He should of requested to go home. #2 - why would he shut off his phone because you were calling? If he truly wasn't doing anything wrong, he would of stepped outside of his daughter's room, answered your call, and told you what was going on. Instead, he shut the phone off. And, of course, he says the right things to you afterward "oh I want to have kids, I want to marry YOU", blah blah blah. I see through his bullshit and I don't even know the guy.
Forum Posts: 28169
Member Since:
11|20|06
Black Rose, TX
United States
June 24, 2008 03:22PM EDT



selling out on THAT level is vomit-inducing.
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
06|23|08
 
June 25, 2008 03:01PM EDT



He didn't fall asleep on the way to his friend's house. He started to feel sick on the way over and changed his mind about going. He asked her if he could spend the night in his daughter's room. His friend lives in the general area of where his daughter lives. It would have taken him 20 minutes to get back home. It was less than 5 minutes to get to her house and fall asleep. He said he should have just answered my calls. He was thinking I would get pissed off and come right over there starting problems. Honestly, I would have. He has never cheated on me and never lied. I have checked up on him many times. I think lots of girls have done that. Every once in a while you want to make sure they are telling the truth. Everytime I have ever checked up on him it turned out he was telling the truth. Also, I don't think he would risk getting her pregnant again. And also, knowing that I will be in contact with this woman alot over the next few years, I don't think he would do anything....not with her anyway.
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
06|23|08
 
June 25, 2008 03:07PM EDT



I did forgive him but I'm still thinking about it alot. I know him though when he drinks too much. When he says he feels sick, he is asleep within minutes especially if he is in a car. I've also heard from his family that he was angry that he even slept with the girl in the first place even before he found out she was pregnant. His sister told me a long time ago that he came home the next day and said how disgusted he felt that he slept with her. Then when he found out she was pregnant he was even more devastated. So I don't think he would put himself in that position again.
Forum Posts: 28169
Member Since:
11|20|06
Black Rose, TX
United States
June 27, 2008 03:57AM EDT



a drink, a drunak - a drunk tank stank of stale vomit
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
05|17|06
Hull, QC
Canada
July 09, 2008 09:35AM EDT



I truly hope that everything goes well for the both of you, and I really do hope he was telling the truth... however, if he doesn't do these type of things all the time, and you are completely confident that he didn't do anything, then why would you write a post about it and ask strangers what they think? There can only be 2 reason; 1. You are the type of person to over-think anything and everything and you need other people to help you through these situations, or 2. Your boyfriend does things like this all the time, but you keep coming up with excuses, stories, etc to keep you from seeing what is really going on. Either way, you need to gain confidence in yourself...
Forum Posts: 28169
Member Since:
11|20|06
Black Rose, TX
United States
July 09, 2008 09:52AM EDT



i am a stranger danger posting in the tank - it stank of vomit and cheaper wine...
 
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