moam

So I am an artist. I am in college as well, aiming to get a degree in...something. But, my main ambition at the moment is art, music, my imagination. My whole life, I have been nothing but a wicked creative dude. My right brain out-weighs my left brain by about 500 lbs. It's so hard for me to pick a path in life because honestly, the only path I WANT to take is music.
Sometimes it hurts so fucking much, thinking to myself that I really have no future in the music business...because let's face facts. The music that I make is NOT what the world wants to hear. Instead, they would rather hear a bunch of retarded, basic beats with the most obnoxious lyrics ever...or they would rather hear some dude who sounds like he hasn't even hit puberty yet whine about how his parents hate him.
Where the fuck is the art in any of the music you hear anymore? Well, that's what I'm all about...putting my full right brain into every album/piece of art work I make, but as I said... That's not what the world wants to hear. I may not be "el perfecto vocalist" like Mr. big shot from Linkin Park, but I have heard vocalists who are A LOT worse. I feel all the energy and time I put into my music is almost a waste. So what does that leave me? 10 years of wasted life?
I don't even know what to think about music anymore. I love to create it. As I have said to some people, it is my fucking life. I keep telling myself that I will finish a CD and then promote the shit out of it instead of just making yet another one. But what do I end up doing? Making another CD...it's because I love doing it so damn much. Truth is, the only way a solo artist like me could ever make a living is if I somehow managed to blow up for something...but I don't see that happening.
It's such a fucking insult to hear some of the bullshit people are putting out these days, especially when I see all these other fans humping their leg. I think I hate the fans more than the shitty artist, because its the choice of the FAN to go and buy the piece of shit album.
Arg, I'm feeling really bitter and angry right now, because I'm frustrated that my art never gets me anywhere but more wasted money and energy. I'm really tempted to just call it quits on music for a LONG time after my next couple albums. When this summer is over, I really just want to tune music out of my life and maybe focus on living a normal life... Maybe try socialize like normal people do... Meet more people on campus... Get more involved. For some reason, I have always thought that being social or wanting to meet more people is weak. Way back in high school when people fucking pushed me around, I learned how to be alone and away from people and ever since then, I have always kept completely to myself. I've always had the mindset that I don't need people in my life to be happy. All I need is music. Well, maybe I was wrong. Maybe its time to face fuckin' reality and come to terms that not all of us were cut out to get anywhere with music.
Gah, sorry for this angry blog. I'm cranky and I just had to rant. All will be well in the morning.

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